gone
by tommy turkish
Summary: marie and logan say goodbye.


characters aren't mine. they belong to marvel. who are going to be nice enough not to sue me for this.   
  
i hope.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
he didn't go looking for her. just walked out the door and sat down on the front steps. he wanted to pull out a cigar. figured maybe it'd make this a little easier. but she didn't like them. he grinned. remembering the look on her face everytime he got one out. the little crinkling of her face. and him inevitably going outside to smoke it. her inevitably following. the talks late at night. on the porch. right here, actually. some of the best conversations. right here..  
  
"hey."  
  
he turned around at the sound of her voice. soft. husky. southern tinge. she stood, her head slightly tilted to the left, her hands in the pockets of her faded jeans, and her brown eyes drinking him in. because she knew. that it would probably be the last time she'd get to look at him for a while.   
  
"hey," he replied, his voice suddenly gone a little hoarse.   
  
"running again?" she murmured, smiling at their own little tradition. at the strangeness of it.  
  
he grinned back. loving the way her eyebrows rose, the way she swallowed slow and small, so he wouldn't notice.  
  
"i've got some things i need to see about," he said.  
  
she nodded. her hair blowing into her face so that she had to take a hand out to brush it away. he watched everything like he was dedicating it to memory. he was.  
  
"some history needs digging up," he continued. needlessly. "i gotta go.. now.. while there's still something to follow.."  
  
"i know," she told him, quiet. she smiled, watery. because the tears had started, despite every resolve NOT to cry.  
  
he watched her eyes start to shimmer. fought to keep his voice steady.  
  
"you gonna be okay?" he asked her.  
  
she nodded. still smiling.  
  
"i'll be fine," she promised.   
  
he looked at her. memorizing again. searching too, though, this time. and she knew the look for what it was.  
  
"i promise," she told him, soft now, but strong. reassuring. "i'm better logan. much better. besides.. what you felt, when i touched you.. it just.. it's still there. it's part of me now.. so i can't do it again. i'll never do it again."  
  
he breathed. knowing she was telling the truth. that he wouldn't lose her, not that way.   
  
"good," he muttered. and she grinned.  
  
"yeah," she exhaled in agreement.  
  
their eyes swam into eachother, danced together before marie finally couldn't take it anymore and let her gaze fall to the floor. logan looked around, a little lost.   
  
a lot lost.  
  
"here," he said, suddenly remembering. and he pulled something off his neck, over his head, holding it out to her.  
  
his dog tags.  
  
she took them from him, felt the familiar weight in her hand, the warmth of his body still trapped in the silver. she ran a finger over the imbedded "wolverine" and contemplated, with longing, just putting them around her neck.  
  
but she didn't. instead she held them out for him to take back.  
  
"i can't, logan," she said.  
  
he looked at her hurt, confused. thrown. this had always been a part of it.  
  
"if you decide to come back," she told him softly, carefully, as though she was only just herself working it out in her mind, "i don't want it to be for these."  
  
he watched her, understanding dawning. she still held out her hand, the tags and the chain pooled silver in her palm.  
  
"...and if you decide not to.. well.. nothing's holding you back. no excuses.."  
  
she smiled. wanted him to know that she wasn't angry or bitter. that she just didn't want to feel so much for two tags on a chain when the man himself was so far away and might never get any closer.  
  
"kay," he said simply, finally taking the chain, putting it back on.  
  
"i'll miss you logan," she whispered, the tears filling her eyes again.  
  
she moved forward, but hesitated, rocking slightly on her feet, unsure. he stepped into her, curving his big arms around her, squeezed.  
  
"i'll miss you too," he murmured against her hair as she hugged him fiercely back.  
  
she pulled away first, unwilling to cling. to hold him back. she wiped quickly at her cheeks, harshly almost. and logan smiled, rueful.  
  
"you'd better get going," she muttered. "you know neither one of us is particularly good at this."  
  
he nodded. "i know."  
  
"so bye then."  
  
"goodbye marie."  
  
she turned to go back into the mansion, her hands tucked securely back into her pockets, her hair tumbling down her back - her small, small back - and her shoulders just a little less.. high.. than he remembered them being.  
  
she looked so alone.  
  
and he knew she wasn't. knew she had jean and the professor. bobby, storm, that new nightcrawler kid, and jubilee. all people that had come to love the small southern girl with the sticky hands.  
  
but he knew the loneliness that had no reason or logic. that just set in sometimes because no matter how many people loved you there was only one that really knew you and he was leaving her behind.  
  
so maybe it was because he knew that loneliness that he did what he did next. maybe because he could already feel it creeping up on him as he watched her walk away. maybe it was selfish. because he needed to be able to take something with him when he left. the soft, surreal surprise on her face, the glow that followed, her warmth.  
  
in so many ways, though, the differences between them were insubstantial. so that what hurt her hurt him. so that his joy was hers. so that, in doing this for himself, he did it for her also.  
  
gave her something to hold onto those nights the doubts seeped in and he couldn't be there to hold her. to fix it.  
  
something more than the dog tags that weren't enough anymore.  
  
"marie..."  
  
and when she turned around, a question in her doe eyes and sadness etched into those soft, soft lips, he was there. right there. she turned into him, he was so close.  
  
the quiet exclamation died on her lips because suddenly his mouth was on hers and all she could do was breathe him in.  
  
so he kissed her. not long and deep, not frenzied, but softly and lightly, holding back, waiting for the pull to begin. willing himself not to go to war with her lips, her tongue. to make it gentle for her. waiting for her to remember that she couldn't do this. and - waiting - drowning in the disbelief of how completely good she felt, he pushed all his love for her to the front of his mind so that it was there for her in all its pure sincerity when she came, unwilling, to collect.  
  
she felt him come into her then, tried desperately to stop it, wasn't surprised by her failure to do so. but as she felt his lips move softly, darting against hers, and his thoughts bump gently into hers, she realized that this was different.  
  
there was no fear. no panicked ignorance. no scrambling to get away. just peace and trust.. and..   
  
she gasped into his mouth, inhaling softly, stunned. the kiss ended, Logan stumbling just a little as he stepped back, his eyes open, memorizing.  
  
she held a trembling hand to her lips, basking, eyes closed in his thoughts.. in her thoughts. feeling them slide up and down her spine until she was fair glowing with the wonder of it. they settled finally in a corner of her mind, away from everything else. precious. and she let her eyes open, knowing that he'd be gone.  
  
and he was. the sound of a motorcycle fading into october air.  
  
she stood, silent. and then finding she couldn't stand anymore, she sat, wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her head in her lap. on the steps of the home that he had brought her to. 


End file.
